


Dying without company

by AutumnHobbit



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, Injury, father-son feels, open-ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 08:26:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12077337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnHobbit/pseuds/AutumnHobbit
Summary: "--I know I've never been a safety-first kinda guy--" A spasm in his stomach makes him clench his eyes shut, keen deep in his throat. "--but I kinda..." he pants, breathless, gives a half-hysterical laugh through his teeth. "...I thought I'd at least make it to thirty."





	Dying without company

**Author's Note:**

> It's not the fic I promised and way late but oh well. 
> 
> Title from Made Of Stone by Daughter (brUCE[!!!])

"You know," Jason croaks hoarsely, his throat tight with pain and his chest burning from the effort of speaking, "in our line of work, no one expects to live forever." He pauses to gulp for air that burns as it goes down, and he clenches his eyes shut at the pain the effort causes him--and at how his headache is being exacerbated by Bruce banging against the bars of the cage they're locked in, roaring threats at their captors. He doesn't seem to be hearing anything Jason's saying--he just keeps slamming his hands against the metal frame surrounding them. Jason's not even sure if he's speaking English. His posture is wound tight, and anyone even half-sane who saw him this way would turn and run the other direction as quickly as possible.

Jason's never been sane, though. Plus, there is the small matter of the shrapnel embedded in his chest and stomach--and, more pressingly, the holes the shrapnel left. He's been trying to put pressure on them since a few minutes after he got them--the first few heartbeats after the rocket launcher fired were nothing but white noise and terror and _painpainpain_ \--but his hands are shaking and it doesn't seem to be doing much good. There's slippery, sticky blood all over his hands, drenching his uniform, and the few times he's chanced glancing down at his body he's only been able to scan the shredded skin, flapping muscle, and the slight darker color of an organ before he's looked away. He licks his lips, swallows blood and grimaces. But he clears his throat slightly and goes on. "And look, I know I've never been a safety-first kinda guy--" A spasm in his stomach makes him clench his eyes shut, keen deep in his throat. "--but I kinda..." he pants, breathless, gives a half-hysterical laugh through his teeth. "...I thought I'd at least make it to _thirty_."

It occurs to him, after a long moment of just trying to catch his breath after speaking, that it's quiet. He chances a glance at Bruce, and blinks when he sees the man just standing there. He's still clasping the bars, shoulders hunched and so tight Jason can practically feel the rage wafting off him.

Though on second thought, maybe it's not rage. There's blood welling up in Jason's throat, and he can't stifle a whimper at the sensation. He gags, and then goes into a coughing fit that has him lurching up off the floor slightly, his whole body burning from the inside out and blood everywhere and---

"Shhh." Something strokes his hair, comforting and gentle. "Breathe, Jay." There's another hand on his back, holding him up and rubbing smooth circles. The voice is tense but soothing and reassuring, and Jason finds his gasps growing slower, easier--though he's not sure if that's a good thing or not. His vision comes back slowly, colors bursting into his view in painful light. Bruce's face, cowl still firmly in place, is above him, the man's jaw tense in worry. He gently eases Jason's head down into his lap, cups his face with a gloved hand and carefully wipes the blood from his cheek, his mouth. Jason sighs, leans into the touch and closes his eyes, and Bruce's hand freezes on his cheek.

"You're not going to miss out on thirty," Bruce says, and Jason almost smiles, because Bruce's voice is as firm as ever and the guy has a desperate need to deny reality.

"I..." he gulps. "I missed you, you know."

Bruce stiffens further, if that's even possible.

"Even when I was so angry, even when I hated you, I missed you so, so much, a-and it hurt so damn bad--"

"Jay." Bruce sounds desperate.

"I just." Jason's eyes are burning viciously, almost as badly as his lungs, and he sobs once, the sound choked and odd-sounding from lack of air. "I just want you to know that I did hate you...but I still loved you, too. I...I _still_..."

“Oh, Jason,” Bruce says, fast and hoarse. His hand slides carefully but fiercely into Jason’s hair, pushing the tangled curls back behind his ear. “I love you too. You know that.”

Jason swallows blood. He does know, and he can hear the pain in Bruce’s tone that reveals how much his doubt hurts, but he can’t help it. He’s always been a cynical son of a bitch. Dying hadn’t changed that before, and it wouldn’t again.

He’s really starting to not feel good. Well, he’s been feeling pretty awful for a good long while now, but now he feels _really_ bad. The pain in his torso---and especially in his stomach---feels deep-seated and intense and pulsing. It throbs in time with his faltering heartbeat, and he feels dizzy and lightheaded, like he’s going to fall over even though he’s lying still. Like he’s going to float up out of his head at any second. Though that might partly be because of the heat---he's sticky and sweaty and yeah it makes sense that he would be feverish. Puncture wounds and intestines didn’t go well together. He’s probably screwed even if the others get here. Which they probably won’t. He wishes he could accept that fact with a little less desperation. He really doesn’t want to die without getting to say goodbye...and maybe even having them just _be_ there, where he could see them. He imagines it must be awful to watch someone you love die right in front of you, but he reserves the right to think that dying alone is worse. He’d never been so utterly petrified in his life as when he’d died. As utterly weak. All he could do was lay there and cry as he slowly suffocated and wished that Bruce was there.

Bruce is here, now---and probably getting more than a little panicked that he’s spaced out, if the faint pressure on Jason’s face is anything to go by. And Jason’s grateful, he really is. But sue him if he wants the others, too. Even if he hates seeing Dick cry. It always makes him want to cry, too. He doesn’t know if Tim would cry. Maybe. Damian, who the hell knows. Cass would be upset. He thinks maybe she would be the worst.

He faintly feels like he’s being manhandled, and at first he thinks this is it; not in small part because he feels like he’s moving far more than he would be in reality from just being rolled over and tugged upwards. But then his chest hits Bruce’s and the breath leaves him from the pain. Huh. He wasn’t sure he was actually breathing. He supposes that’s a good sign.

“---You can’t do this again, Jason,” Bruce’s voice fades back in as the ringing in Jason’s ears eases off a bit. He rocks back a bit, dragging Jason along. Jason can feel Bruce’s arms around him, supporting him with a tension he knows all too well. “I don’t…” Bruce’s voice breaks, and Jason winces at the first of his hitched sobs. “I just got you _back._ I don’t want to say goodbye again.” _I didn’t want to the_ first _time,_ Jason hears. “I don’t want you to _go.”_

Jason takes that in, limp in Bruce’s lap, stuck staring at the collar of Bruce’s suit from where he’s lying, cheek is pressed against Bruce’s collarbone, held there by his dad’s gloved hand cupping his face. Bruce _does_ know that changing position would only help if his _lungs_ were full of blood, not his stomach, right? Jason doesn’t particularly want to go now, either, but…. “Y-You do know that isn’t,” he has to stop to gulp for air, half-laughing a bit at himself and the awkwardness of this situation, “exactly up to me, right, Dad?”

Bruce buries his face in the top of Jason’s head as a response, and Jason just lies there and breathes, listening to Bruce’s shuddering breaths as his tears wet Jason’s hair.

Jason winces. He can’t really move---no strength to---and he can barely feel his face, let alone his limbs. His whole body feels oddly numb...except for his stomach, of course, which is still throbbing with burning pain. He swallows. “...Dad?” He whispers.

Bruce freezes, and only a split-second later Jason’s eased down a bit, his head against Bruce’s forearm so that Bruce can look at him. Jason’s heart seizes a bit; Bruce’s face is streaked with tears. He wets his lips. Bruce probably won’t take this well, either. “Promise me you’ll cremate me. A-As soon as I’m dead. Promise me you won’t bring me back.”

Bruce’s whole body shudders faintly. “What….what are you _talking_ about--”

“You can’t,” Jason wheezes, starting to cry. He doesn’t know why the thought suddenly occurred to him, but now it’s all he can think about, a pressing, real fear that’s a vice around his failing heart. He can’t do it. He can’t be pulled away from his dad’s arms to drift off into emptiness again, only to wake up screaming as his body is torn apart to put it back together. He can’t have his mind like that again. He can’t do it. He just can’t. “I don’t want to do it again, B, _please._ Promise me you won’t try to get me back, please, _please_ just let--” he chokes on blood and snot. His stomach is probably in shreds now, based off how it feels, and more tears spill out at the thought of it. “Just let me _go.”_

A gloved hand on his cheek. “Shhh, Jason, calm down, _please_ hold still--”

 _“Promise,_ B!”

Bruce hefts him back up again, and Jason feels a big hand cradling the back of his head. “I--” Bruce swallows, crying too. “I p-promise, Jason. I--I won’t.”

Bruce is crying too hard to speak, and so’s Jason, but he still tries to flop his numb arm up towards Bruce. Bruce catches it, pulls Jason’s hand in against his chestplate, to his heart.

Bruce lifts his head, and Jason thinks he hears something. Maybe the dull boom of an explosion. The others, maybe. Hopefully.

“Please,” Bruce whispers, into Jason’s ear. “Please wait.”

It kind of seems like Bruce said that uncertain of whether Jason could still actually hear him or not. It’s okay. He heard it. And he’ll try. It didn’t make a difference last time. But he’ll still do it. Bruce orders most of the time, and Jason still tried to obey, when it made sense. When Bruce _asks..._ Jason tries.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr: http://autumnhobbit.tumblr.com/


End file.
